1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize