you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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