i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
