Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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