wakey wakey hands off snakey
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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