So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
