hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
