if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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