I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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