Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
