it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
