If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
3pm strippers are depressing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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