I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
