the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize