how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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