I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize