After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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