I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
one two three fourrrrnication!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
