Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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