At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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