If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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