I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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