Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
