9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
