i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
