you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
