My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
