Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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