your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
