why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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