Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
