Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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