I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
