Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
