onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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