Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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