living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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