Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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