She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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