i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
