Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
