separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
