i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
