From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
