No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
