First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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