I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
