wanna go halves on a baby?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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