Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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