he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize