Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
