doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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