i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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