Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
