Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
