Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
