I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
