I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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