Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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