I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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