My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
