I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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