I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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