after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
