Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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