Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
