she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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