it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a search helicopter?!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
