This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
