tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize