He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
