I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
