Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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