she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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