non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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