Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
