Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
