Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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