Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
