when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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