My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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