Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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