I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
