My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
